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If something breaks in our home, I grab the toolbox, the ladder, or at least the duct tape; she grabs the phone. I’m starting to get a complex here because, as the man of the house I’m expected to fix things. The problem is: I’m not very good at it.
Confidence is King
Am I the only guy whose wife grabs the phone, punches in a 9 and a 1, with her finger hovering over the 1 whenever I break out the power tools? I hope I’m not alone; we can’t all be the “Tool Man.” What gets me is that I usually do fix everything that breaks. It may take a trip or five to the hardware store, may involve a little extra cleanup and sure, costs more in the end than hiring someone—but I get her done.
Timing is Everything
I might just be a little paranoid here, but lately I’ve caught her discussing whatever is broken with the neighbor, before she even mentions it to me. She’ll say something like “Hey do you know anything about plumbing?” or “You wouldn’t happen to know a good plumber do you?” What gets me is, I was planning on fixing that leaking faucet, if not soon, soon enough. I’m well aware it’s broken and don’t really need her reminding me every six months about it.
Think of the Money I Save
Sure, time is money and I spend a lot of time fixing things. At the rate I get repairs done, I figure I’m worth about a buck ten an hour, but I do get them done. If you factor in the time I spend fixing it right the second time, we may be in negative figures, but I get them done.
I Don’t Ask For Directions Either
They know me well at the local hardware store; I’m on a first name basis with the girl at the return desk. All I have to do is pull into the parking lot and I hear the loudspeaker announcing they need at cashier at returns. They do have experts working there to answer all your questions, but where’s the fun in that? Besides, they talk in a language I don’t understand, and then I just nod my head knowingly and go ahead and screw it up my way.
Going Behind My Back
I travel in my work and this affords her a chance to get things done right. I act indignant upon my return but am secretly glad she called someone to mount and wire the new light fixtures in the bathroom. Electricity and I do not get along and have had a tumultuous relationship. The light over the stove still doesn’t work but the burn marks on my fingers have healed nicely, thanks for your concern.
You Gotta have the Tools
You suck at home repairs; women and children flee whenever you fire up a power tool; you have a hard time discerning a crescent wrench from a monkey wrench. If any of these statements resonate with you, then is it an insult or encouragement when she buys you power tools for Christmas? That’s what I thought. She bought me a very nice, manly set of drills in a fancy case a few years back. One is a normal power drill and I’m not sure what the heck the other one does, but it looks great in the case. It’s a cordless set with batteries and I tell you, those batteries are great; they have held a charge for four years now.
We Work as a Team
So as I write this I realize, the shower cold-water knob is leaking, the swamp cooler is making un-natural noises, and a couple of the windows won’t stay open. Looks like I have my work cut out for me. Then again, if I can stall till next month, my work will take me out of town for 3 or 4 days which, according to my calculations, is just enough time for her to make that phone call.
