Valua Vitaly / iStock / thinkstock.com
You could, I guess, if you’re single. But then again when I was single, my rooms never needed paint. Once married, you’ll never paint just one room again. As soon as you re-paint the living room she will say, “Now the hall looks shabby.” Your best recourse is to drop the brush now and slowly back away. Either that or the next 7 or 8 weekends are shot.
Who Decides?
She does. Rarely ever will you hear a man say, “Honey, this room needs repainting.” I have a neighbor we’ll call Brad, mainly because that’s the nicest name his wife uses. He not only agreed to paint their guest room, he foolishly suggested it himself. I haven’t seen him in weeks. I think he’s now on the second coat of the laundry room in the basement about now.
What Happened to Just Plain White?
Not only am I color-blind, an affliction that mysteriously mainly affects men, but I have been told all my taste is in my mouth. I’m sure she meant that in a loving way as she said it with a smile on her face. Come to think of it, she says everything with a smile on her face, but I digress. I’m not allowed to pick colors and that’s just as well: I don’t even understand the names of them anymore. To me, Fuchsia sounds like some kind of white wine, and Taupe must be what you eat while drinking Fuchsia. They have Cyan which is the pepper I put on my wings, but I can’t find any color names a color-blind man would understand, other than Budweiser Gold or Rib-eye Red.
Don’t Get Me Started
So you gave in and agreed to paint the living room. It doesn’t matter if it started because you moved a picture and it showed how faded the walls are, you scuffed up the wall doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing and tried to blame the kid for, or she just decided that color she absolutely loved before is suddenly hideous. The fact is, you’re in for it now. Once your masterpiece of a living room is done, the hallway looks shabby. Okay, that’s no big deal, but now the bathroom doesn’t match. Once that’s done the bedrooms are un-bearable–wash, rinse, repeat, repeat, repeat. Before you know it, even that nice coat of primer in your garage could use a little Taupe to top it off.
Accessorize
Now you’re done, or so you thought. After missing half of the NBA season and countless rounds of golf you finally finished painting the whole darn house and the rest of the spring is yours. But of course you didn’t notice that the trim you so diligently repainted is all dinged up did you? Of course, you noticed, you just hoped she didn’t. Now the trim needs replacing and while you’re at it, why don’t you get all new light switches and electrical sockets? Maybe they make them in Fuchsia.
A Scooby Doo Moment
You’re for sure all done now and just have a little cleanup left. Suddenly, as you pick up your tarps you look down at what you though was perfectly good carpeting. Is that paint on the carpet? As the great Scooby Doo used to say, “Ruh Roh.” Looks like the next few weekends will be spent sorting through carpet samples. All because that living room needed was just a little paint…
