Eduardo Leite / iStock / thinkstock.com
Every big town has a Home show, some more than one. If you’ve never been and are maybe planning or get stuck going, here are a few survival tips for you.
Reasons to Go
The Wife has been nagging (or maybe just mentioned a few times) about some home improvements she seems to think we need done. I foolishly thought I could use the Home Show as a stalling technique. You know, look at a few booths, gather a few cards, talk to a few contractors and maybe that would stall the inevitable for another summer. No dice, I now have the next three weekends booked for estimates.
It Costs What?
This may surprise you but they charge to get into these things; yeah, me too. I started to make a scene, then remembered this may get me out of some work this summer so went ahead and paid $12 a-piece for admission. Let me get this straight; I’m paying 12 bucks to go see the same guys who come by my house every day sticking flyers in my door handle, ringing my doorbell and ruining my nap, or calling me every night during dinner, yet now I’m paying to see them here?
Have a Plan
I learned when you enter the Home Show, the majority of attendees move towards the right and work their way through the show from there. My advice: go straight up the middle; that’s where they normally put the bar.
Go Incognito
Every wheel you spin, every ring you toss, and every raffle you enter is simply an info grab. They just want your name, address and phone number so they can call you later—or worse, sell your number. Heck, how do we even know if they ever give away that set of triple-pane energy efficient windows anyway? I don’t care if the guy is dressed like a cop and acts like you’re under arrest (I swear I didn’t do it) they are just fishing for your contact info.
Timing is everything
These events get crowded; are there really that many husbands trying to appease their wives? I guess there are some guys who enjoy working on the house, I’ve seen some on TV, but none of them live around me. If they did, I’d hire them. The best time to go is the first day and early. The vendors haven’t gotten into “Feeding frenzy” mode yet and the crowds are thin. Later as the weekend progresses, things get ugly and it’s every man for himself as they try to snag one more potential customer from the guy in the next booth.
Avoid the Hot Tub Guys
These guys are the Rock stars of the Home Show circuit. They’re on the road travelling from town to town selling hot tubs and corrupting our youth. Okay, I’m not sure on that second part, but these guys are slick. Most of them are from California, the holy land of hot tubs, and make big bucks. I worked one of these shows for a home improvement company years back, and the hot tub guy next to me offered a buck for every name and number I threw him. He said he would use the contact, and then he could resell it to the other rock stars, err, hot tub salesmen. He reminded me of the drug dealers in my old neighborhood, except they at least would give you a good price.
Head Up, Eyes Straight Ahead
Just like with any carnivores you may meet in the wild, do not make eye-contact; these guys can smell fear from two booths away. Especially if you arrive late in the day or on the last day—they will drool as you approach and attack like a pack of hyenas if you show any interest at all. Their main purpose in life is to get your contact info, so you may want to use an alias. My Home Show name is Kent Affordit.
Fill Your Bag
They always offer bags at the door and you need to grab one. This you can fill with all the brochures and business cards that you will never look at again. The best strategy at the show is to take a brochure and slowly walk away. Remember, do not make eye contact but show no fear. The guy in the next booth is already observing you and ready to pounce. If you must speak, tell them you are unemployed and just needed something to do today. When you get home you can also use that bag for the flyers that are already hanging on your front door handle.
