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The yearly ritual of spring cleaning is upon us. My idea was simple enough. Why not use the leaf blower indoors? That would be like dusting and vacuuming at the same time. Now, before you snicker, I’m no idiot: I was going to set it on low.
Tools of the Trade
Her tool of choice: the vacuum cleaner.
She whips that thing around like a rag-doll on wheels. I would be proud for you to see how she handles that racket on wheels, but I myself never see it. Just like the family cat, I am scared to death of the noisy contraption. Heck, in truth I’d follow the cat under the bed if I could only fit. Instead, when that infernal machine gets fired up I usually head to the one safe place left for me: the garage. At least, it used to be until she decided to commandeer about half of the new shelves I built…
My tool of choice: the leaf blower.
My leaf blower has enough power to peel paint and is louder than a jet engine on steroids yet, its sound is like music to my ears. The vacuum, on the other hand makes such a shrill racket, its frequency is right near the same tone as the always shoulder-cringing, “Honey, are you busy?” I use my leaf blower to do everything from cleaning my garage to shoveling snow. It cleans floors, walls, and sidewalks, and gets cobwebs out of the ceiling corners. It even blows leaves once or twice a year.
Indoor Cleaning
She says I never sweep, dust, mop, or vacuum; so she has to do the big “Spring Cleaning.” In fact, I occasionally do some of these things, I just do them differently. Let me explain. Sweeping and mopping are just about the same thing right? I do plenty of mopping but the difference in our styles is pronounced. Whenever I spill something, I simply swipe it with my foot. Once again, I’m no idiot: I do this while wearing a sock. I figure my way is more efficient as the spills get cleaned immediately and the stains come out in the laundry. As for dusting: what’s that?
Outdoor Cleaning
Now this is my territory, at least, I like to think it is. I clean the garage with the trusty leaf blower set on high. I figure anything that’s too light to withstand hurricane force winds, doesn’t belong in my garage anyway. I then blow off the driveway, the patio, the sidewalks, and the yard. Speaking of the yard, that’s my territory too and my vacuum is called the lawn mower. I have a big honking Toro mower that sucks up everything way better than her vacuum and makes a sound a man can be proud of. I also clean gutters. Once again, my trusty leaf blower comes through. It only took me a couple years to figure out I should clean the gutters BEFORE I clean the driveway and patio, but at least I did figure it out. Okay, she might have mentioned it a time or two first.
I Don’t Do Windows, or So I Thought
Nobody likes to clean windows but it is the iconic spring cleaning chore. I used to just blast them with my garden hose and call it a day but then I realized, or maybe was just told, that’s not good enough. Now if you have a two-story home, it is definitely the man’s job to climb the ladder and do the top windows. Why? Because the ladder is stored in the garage, so that makes it the man’s job. That’s why I don’t like her storing her boxes of baking bowls on my garage shelves, but that’s for another time. The window cleaning ritual should be a shared chore as The Wife has explained countless times to me; not just because it’s a big job, but so she can come behind me and do it right.
