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We make a great pair when traveling together. She’s all polite and businesslike and I’m, well to put this delicately: me.
It’s a learning Experience
She’s taught me a lot about traveling. I’ve learned to pack properly and fold my clothes right so I don’t look like a homeless guy at our destination. She’s taught me to leave early enough so I’m not pulling what’s left of my hair out worrying about missing my flight. More importantly, she’s taught me to pay the extra buck at the airport bar to make that drink a double.
She Keeps Me Grounded, Even When Flying
I tend to lose my temper when my patience is tested. Believe me it’s more a pop quiz than a test as it doesn’t take much to set me off. Then, I get THE STARE. There’s the “You’re embarrassing me,” stare and the ever popular “You’re being a boob,” stare. Then there’s, and this one is my favorite, the “You’re really being a jerk,” stare. What’s amazing is they all look the same to me.
Whatever You Do, Don’t let Me Fall Asleep
If I start snoring, she wakes me up before I disturb my fellow passengers. I’m sitting at a 90 degree angle on what feels like a seat of plywood covered with fabric, breathing the recirculated air of over one hundred and fifty people and I managed to fall asleep in between the pinging of that confounded bell the pilot rings every ten minutes and you just woke me up? Gee thanks Babes, I sure wouldn’t want to disturb the 5 year old future soccer star who has been scoring goals kicking the back of my chair for the last hour. No, I think I was disturbing her.
Feed the Beast
She taught me to quit complaining (That’s not the word she uses) about the high price of snacks on the concourse by buying snacks before we leave for the airport. She also taught me to bring an empty water bottle through security, then fill it up at the water fountain on the concourse. Now I have nothing to complain about when we get to the gate. Okay, I have plenty to complain about, but she has just reduced my material considerably.
There’s a Time and Place for Everything
She knows when to let me cut loose with the temper though. We were recently stranded for an extra day on a Caribbean island when our plane broke down. I know, it sounds rough but we survived. When the flight was first cancelled and as our fellow passengers started mobbing the gate clerks she knew to cut me loose. I stood my ground, fought off the people cutting in line and got us rebooked. As I struggled against the urge to go ballistic, she gave me a reassuring pat on the back and said, “Do your thing.” Of course, later that evening when I had to deal with a snooty French bartender, I got the STARE.
