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Fit to be Flannelled: When to Make the Switch to Flannelled Sheets



It seems there’s a certain time of year to change the sheets over to flannel. Not this week, definitely not last week and maybe not next week, but somehow, she’ll know exactly when. Here is how I get things done around here.

The Change
I’ve been wondering for weeks when the change will happen. Now, I’m not talking about “The Change We Never Talk About,” but that does seem to affect her timing as well. Ever since “The Change We Never Talk About,” the whole climate in my house has changed. I call the place “Ice Station Zebra” because we have the air conditioning blasting from April to October these days. Most people would say to switch to flannel sheets once the air conditioning goes off, but what if I never get to turn it off again?

 It Wasn’t Always this Way
She used to sleep all bundled up, especially if I so much as had the window open. Now, since “The Change We Never Talk About,” the air-conditioning is blasting, the ceiling fan is whirling and she is barely covered with a sheet. I meanwhile, tough guy that I am, I am burrowed deep in the covers, shivering like an extra in that movie March of the Penguins.

Change is Good
No, the change I really mean is the point where we start sleeping on flannel sheets instead of the cool cotton ones we use during the summer. It seems the sheets get changed every week or so; I’m really not sure how that happens. Then every year all of a sudden the winter flannel sheets appear on the bed and all is good again. I would think a good time is when the leaves are falling and the evening temperatures drop but last year the flannel didn’t come on until Christmas.

It’s a Rhythm Thing
So, I’ve been wondering how this works. Is it some kind of circadian rhythm thing because it’s definitely not based on the weather? It’s been cold out all week and those flannel sheets sure would be nice about now. I crawled into bed last night and was colder under the covers than out. Of course the ceiling fan is happily churning cold air down upon me, the window is defiantly open and she’s half uncovered. After one more night of feeling I was a member of Shackleton’s marooned Antarctic crew I decided to move things along.

All You Have to do is Ask
I bet you thought I’d say I changed the sheets. I guess I could change them myself if I knew where we kept them. When I was a bachelor I changed my sheets all by myself, at least a couple of times.  No, I took a much safer route and simply got up the nerve and just asked. I was told that the flannel comes on as soon as the window gets closed and the ceiling fan goes off. That’s it? That’s all it takes? I thought there was some kind of scientific formula or at least a consultation with the Farmer’s Almanac involved. If I had known that’s all it took, I would have asked sooner.

I’m Here to Help
I foolishly though they would get changed as soon as one of us felt we needed them, or you would think at least once one of us mentioned the freezing rush when climbing into bed. So as you may remember, I mentioned earlier that last night I froze my little, well, I froze. I woke up shivering, bundled up and fed up; even the cat was glaring at me as though to say “Man up.” So, this morning, helpful guy that I am, I turned off the ceiling fan and closed the window. We’ll see what happens.

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