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You cannot deny the brisk hours of the morning, the shortened sun at night; it’s easy to see that winter is coming. And for those of you that are frozen in terror for the next season to bring, why so concerned? There are numerous ways to stay warm this winter, many of which you might already know. Hot cups of cocoa, wool socks, and an extra big comforter, they’re the oldest trick in the book, and so here for you today, to get that extra edge on old man winter, here are 10 alternatives ways to stay warm during the snowy months:
Hibernate
Thousands of bears do it each winter, and they don’t complain. Schedule you holiday season up right this year so that after you stuff yourself silly with Grandma’s home-scratch mashed potatoes, you can take a nice, healthy 2-3 month nap. Make sure you have some comfy covers and that you changed your voicemail, and come spring, wake up anew and refreshed.
Turn Your Bedroom into a Hot Yoga Studio
Make some extra dough this winter by renting out your bedroom for use as a hot yoga studio. These studios, which get to be over 100⁰, will not only give you some nice meditative music you can nap to or fold your laundry with, but it will also leave the winter far from your mind as the place heats up.
Arm and Leg Hair Transplants
Sure, you can go to a plastic surgeon and go through the process of “official” arm and leg hair transplants, or you can simply visit your local barber, volunteer to sweep the floor, add a little glue, and voilà, instant arm and leg hair. It will save you from throwing on that one extra layer each time you walk out the door.
Grow a Beard
Men, women, and children; a good way to stay warm during the winter is grow a healthy beard. Make sure you are taking your vitamins, and applying the right amount of Rogaine to the appropriate places, and boom, you have a permanent baklava you can wear to bed.
Eat Spicy Food
Alright, the verdict is still out on this one, but doesn’t it make sense that if your mouth is hot, the rest of your body will be too? Test it out for yourself, mix some Sriracha, Habanero Peppers, and a bag of Red-Hots candy into a bowl and eat the whole thing, see if you aren’t sweating then.
Sled to Work
Channel your inner-child for this one and remember those days of sun-up to sun-down sledding adventures. You never were cold back in those days, how could you be, dragging that dang toboggan up the hill over and over again. Now, apply that to adult-life and strategically scan your route to work for any bomber sledding hills. And instead of shivering from the parking lot each morning, demonstrate just how professional you are by grabbing some air of that mini-jump you built that morning (did you see that?!?).
Keep Hardboiled Eggs in Your Pocket
Have you accidently ever picked up a hardboiled egg too quickly after it’s been taken out of the boiling water? Now, imagine harnessing that energy into your pocket. Simply, boil 2-4 eggs, remove from water, and put them into your pocket. When they’ve lost their heat, throw some Sriracha, Haberno Peppers, and Red-Hots onto the eggs and you suddenly have a double dose of winter warmth.
Go To Jamaica
Jamaica’s “cold season” is from December to March, and the average temperature is 82⁰ F. The coldest day of the year, February 17th, averages a high of 72⁰ each year.
That’s all, this one is not a joke.
Chop Your Own Wood
Nothing will keep you warmer than chopping all of your own wood this winter. And don’t worry about planning ahead, the true secret to keeping warm all winter is to live day by day off your wood supply. That means for you, start a fire in the morning with the scraps that were left from the day before, and build a fire before you go chop more wood. By the time you finishing chopping the first set of wood, you’re fire will have nearly gone out, but thankfully you just chopped some wood. Add it to the fire and head back out, because the next time you return you’re fire will again nearly be out, but thankfully you’ve been chopping wood. Repeat this until exhaustion and wake up and do it again, and don’t be cold a day this winter.
Combine Clothing
Instead of complaining to a large group of people that you are cold, bring a sewing kit. Once you begin sewing people’s clothing together, in whatever strategic way is possible (sleeve to sleeve, collar to sleeve, knee to knee), people might attest at first, but when they begin to understand how warm you will be while trying to do normally easy tasks of life while all connected together, they’ll be thanking you for your warm winter cheer.
